So a lot has been happening this semester. It started out being a really difficult semester. The first three weeks were pretty challenging relationally. Coming back to school was tough to do after such a nice long relaxing break. But I was really excited to come back. Then reality set it. I became overwhelmed with school, relationships and life in general. I wasn't so overwhelmed as to having a breakdown or anything, but enough to know God was trying to tell me something. Not just tell me something, SHOUT something at me. I realized after being let down in several different ways, by several different people, that I have been entirely too dependent on relationships. Not just recently, but my whole life. Specifically the first few weeks back I was going to others about the problems in my life without first seeking God. I was depending on people to fill a desire in my heart that cannot be met by any human being. I realized that all too often I get bogged down with other peoples problems and I try to fix that person along with their problem. I try to make them something they will never be, and thats perfect.
When I first realized this i started to hurt. That has never been my obvious intention, but none the less i have been doing it. God's really been working on my heart these first few weeks. Showing me just how dependent I've been on people and how independent I've been of him. That is not okay.
God started breaking me through this and I started to see all sorts of Idols in my life and where my priorities have been recently. But, I belong to a gracious and compassionate God. Even though I'm broken and hurting, God is faithful. He is using this to work on and through me. It may be an outcome I will never see. But I trust his faithfulness. He is sovereign over all. All my anxieties, all my tears, all my joy, He knows it all and uses it all to further his work in me. So that in turn I can work towards helping to advance the kingdom. Isn't that so great? Even though God doesn't need us to help advance the kingdom, he asks us and rejoices in us taking part in his work. What an awesome blessing to be included in!
So even though life is hard, life hurts, God is faithful, and life goes on.
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